My Dear Father,

I really don’t remember when we both sat down and had a Talk…A real Father and Son Talk…I don’t even remember when was the last time You sat down with me and strolled my head and asked if I was having Good times in my Life…But Today,when I’m so very Far Away from you and mom…from everyone else at home…I thought that May be this is last chance I’ll get to talk to you.That’s why I’m writing this letter…

When I was kid,I saw other boys in our village going to school…I wanted to go with them…I wanted to learn…To write…To read…To be amongst those boys and be Educated…I wanted to be Doctor or Engineer…I wanted Respect…From this society…For me and for everyone in our family…I wanted to feel the pride in Mother’s eyes when she walked through the village and others talked about her having such GOOD SON…I wanted all of this…

But all You gave me was Refusal…While I wanted books in my hands…You gave me away to that Hotel Owner who lived down the lane…So that he made me slog…Slog like dogs…To be bitten at his hands…To be starved…To be hit and not be able to utter a word of protest…I wanted to scream…when he had burn my hands with Hot charcoal…for not doing job fast…But i could not Scream…Because if even i let out shrill sound..I would not get food for 3-4 days…

So I ran away Father…Because I could no longer take in torture to pay for your luxuries…Your whole and sole reason of being alive…ALCOHOL…I know you must have beat Mother blue and black,thinking that She let me go…But trust me Father…It was not her…You were only reason for my running away and never coming back….Today,I have come away so far…That although I want to return,I can’t Father….

Hmmm…After I ran away,I was wondering on the streets…That was when UNCLE found me…He took me home…Only this home was different…It was full of guys who were preparing…For what seemed like some battle…Guns and ammunition all around…I didn’t understand anything Father…But then Uncle fed me food…For the 1st time in my life…I had food that tasted GOOD…Then he asked me if I wanted to learn…And I said Yes instantly…Only then I didn’t know that this Education will cost me my LIFE!!!!

Years passed by and I studied at best places in world…Uncle made sure that I got best education…Taught me about JIHAD…Only then I didn’t understand Father,that I was just being grown up as Guinea Pig…I did not understand that JIHAD,Uncle taught me was all wrong…I played game to most of their plans…Helped them blew off innocent people…took so many lives…that today I’m ashamed of my Existence….

Dear Father,This is my last letter to you…Because today,I’m in jail…being tried for all that I did,unknowingly….Father,that’s why I’m writing this letter to you…Please Father….don’t push My little Brother and My two little sisters into this dungeon…So that they would not Run away from Home….and become WHAT I HAVE BECOME!!!!

It was not my fault….I wanted only education…For that sure enough I’ll pay hefty prize…With my life….But I want my mistakes to be a lesson for all youngsters who don’t know exact meaning of Jihad…Please Father,Don’t hate me for what I’m today….Because I never intended to be this…I only wanted to be learned…NOT THIS!!!!

Remembering You all in my last moments,

Your Son,
TERRORIST

©Krishnaveni Balasubramanian