Tag Archive: Children


It was the Day that everyone in the world is afraid about…RESULTS…This seven letter can rip the souls out of Your body in no time…Make you Feel as if Hell was next Door..I was afraid…Not of what might come in my Results…But what my Future may hold for me…Depending on what My results WERE LIKE!!!

Then the dreaded hour stuck….The results were available online…I typed in my Roll number…In utter MISERY…That was the moment when I felt my two world’s merge together…One where i could see light and the other which was full of….DARKNESS…The scroller was going in circles…I felt like my Head was spinning…Round and Round and Round…Then my results were there on the screen…I watched aghast..As if I had seen some ghost from my Distant Past…

95%….I jumped off the chair…Leaping around,My joy knew no bounds..I called all my family members and showed them the results…I saw the pride in their eyes…My Father gave me the biggest warm hug and said He was proud…He had tears in his eyes…My Mother just did not know how to React…Because She was from a Generation…Where women were never allowed to go to school..let alone get educated…So getting such marks was out of question…My Uncles went berserk telling everyone in the society that there niece had got top score(if allowed maybe,They would have written this on society notice board as well…I’m glad that they never took these EXTREME MEASURES)My aunts followed suit(Taking our Indian mindset that Husband is always right…A BIT too seriously)…They called up each and every Contact on their mobiles(ask me about the misuse of technology and waste of money)…To announce to them The biggest Happening News of the Millennium!!!

Well this was just the beginning of My Ordeal…It said that Family comes together in bad times…Mine also do…The only problem was that They come together to get those so called “Bad times” for me!!!!….Everyone searched up all the websites(the one’s available and also the one’s unavailable in frantic attempt…Thinking that If they searched for that site without leaving any stone unturned…May be that site will appear out of no where….I don’t blame them…I blame Shahrukh Khan for this…Remember that dialogue from Om Shanti Om)

Hmm…So this was it…It was that day,I realized many things very clearly…The first thing being That…Parents and Relatives are biggest Dreamers in this World…The only difficulty being that They never dream for themselves…but for their KIDS…What they dreamt of becoming….But could not become..They hope their children to become that….So the popular mentality prevalent in Indian Society is that If You are Boy….You should become ONLY Engineer…While if you are Girl…Your only option is to become Doctor(This is what I call Real Gender Bias)…But the only thing that I FAIL to understand is that if all gals borne in India were to become doctors ONLY…How will we get all patients for them…If all guys were to become Civil Engineers ONLY…Where the hell is that much space in India for all of them to have their constructions brought from paper to reality….The answer is BIG ?????….

Right…So getting back to me…My parents and everyone else finally decided that I should become Doctor…For the first time…I could see My dreams down the dungeon…Because being A doctor was not something that I really Dreamt of…The castle of My dreams came crashing down…That Day I understood what is feeling which everyone calls…Depression….I wanted to shout at all…Tell them,That I was not interested in becoming Doctor…I just got up and walked up to my Room..fell down on my bed…and cried…I don’t remember for how long….

It was then…That I got call from my friend.” Hey Riya…Congrats Gal..95%…AWESOME…So when is Treat…Hey did u tell your parents about SACON”….I grasped for breath…I felt like I could not talk anymore.
” They want me to be Doctor”…”So what’s the big deal about it….After your Ph.D…You will be Doctor,Riya”….Trying to make my friend Savi to understand something was like,breaking my Head in front of Stone….”You are not getting it Savi..They want me to be real Doctor…Hospital types..Surgeon,gynecologist….Are you getting my Problem”….

Then again I started sobbing…”Riya,Dear….Don’t Cry…Please Talk to Your Parents…Tell them You want to be Wild life Activist…They will understand,Dear”….It was then that I started sobbing even more…”No,They will never understand…God…why did I ever get this thing in my head…I had so many dreams…I wanted to research rare species of animals in Indian Forests….Find out the reason of their dwindling numbers….Do my BIT….To save them….But I don’t think anyone in my family will ever let go near any jungle…Let alone do Research….What should I do,Savi…I can never be what I wanted to be”….Tears flew down more…As I could not speak,I switched off my mobile….Only to turn back and find my Mother standing at the door of My Room….

She looked at me and that little faint smile..which She always gave…When as kid…I did not listen to her and persisted for Ice-cream(which Of course,Gave me cold)…But that day…I saw in her smile,weird understanding..As if She had just understood everything without me telling her anything (but that’s every Mom special department…I often wonder If all Mother’s in the world are Born with Gene…Which gets Switched on…Only When their Children are in trouble…Mom’s are the best Troubleshooter’s in the World)….That Night was big celebration at home…Only I did not enjoy it..I felt so dizzy that,I went off and dozed off to sleep..To get required strength for next day’s ordeal….

Only morning did not turn out to be ordeal…Because when I woke up and stretched my arms to hit the screaming alarm off…I felt a paper…I woke up all startled and hastily read that paper…Only to find that it was Downloaded application Form for “Salim Ali Center for Ornithology and Natural History’s Integrated Ph.D program”….I jumped out of my bed…and rushed to the hall..where My Dad was siting on the couch,having his morning coffee…When he saw me…He gave that odd smile…which he always did…When he found out that I had stolen sweets when Mom was not there in the kitchen…

I rushed to him and give him a hug…He laughed and said “Hope my Little Princess is Happy now…Well…Let me guess…That twinkle in Your Eyes says it all…But why You didn’t tell me this before…Afraid???”….I lowered my Head and nodded…He laughed again as if I had told him the best Joke….”When you were born and I took you in my arms…I felt as if the whole world was in my arms…When you smiled,I felt like I was on top of the world…You are the best Gift in my life…That moment,I had promised myself…That your wishes will always come before mine…Yeah,it’s true that I would have felt proud If you became a Doctor…But I would never be glad if You did it half heartedly..I’ll feel equally happy in Whatever You do…Provided You are satisfied…We were and will always be there for you,My little Princess.”

“Whatever may happen…Whatever may be the situation…Always Listen to that little voice in Your Heart…YOUR INNER VOICE…Trust it more than anyone else..Because it knows what is best for you,Your inner voice will never fail you…We may not be there for you Tomorrow…But Your heart will always be there for you…AT THE RIGHT PLACE AND RIGHT TIME…Learn to take decisions for your own well being dear…Trust no one else…But Yourself…Because if You don’t…You will be lost in that crowd outside…Do what You enjoy the best….Remember,the most important thing is to Live your Life…Not Pretend to be alive….Your Soul should be in your work”

I cried again when Dad said this….But only this time…It was in happiness…That’s when,I saw from the corner of my eye…My mom was standing behind my Dad….again Smiling….I knew instantly…That even now…She must have understood my UNSAID WORDS!!!!

©Krishnaveni Balasubramanian

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Innocence Lost Forever!!!!!

When I was a Kid,
Did anyone Have,
The dare to Forbid,
I was my Dad’s Princess,
My Every Will and Wish,
Being a Success!!!

Those were the Best Days,
When I had my own cute ways,
With Mom’s love and hug,
Life was all smug!!!

When Dad was my horse,
Riding on him High,
Life was not coarse,
Dreams were My best Buy!!!

When only things broken,
Were Soft little toys,
Friendship was best token,
With no idea of evil ploys!!!

When drinks were,
Nothing more than Lime juice,
Unknown was the BEER,
Common things being put to Best Use!!!

When the absolute Luxury,
Was Grandma’s Story,
When there was no Fury,
Being together was all GLORY!!!

When Good-bye meant,
We’ll meet Tomorrow,
With picnics in Tents,
And no knowledge of Sorrow!!!

Today I’m so far away,
I feel alone,
Because I’m not Home,
Life has gone all Astray….

Those were the best days,
When I had my innocent ways,
My Heart yearns for Them,
When Family was Life’s Stem!!!!

©Krishnaveni Balasubramanian

A Letter To My Father!!!!

My Dear Father,

I really don’t remember when we both sat down and had a Talk…A real Father and Son Talk…I don’t even remember when was the last time You sat down with me and strolled my head and asked if I was having Good times in my Life…But Today,when I’m so very Far Away from you and mom…from everyone else at home…I thought that May be this is last chance I’ll get to talk to you.That’s why I’m writing this letter…

When I was kid,I saw other boys in our village going to school…I wanted to go with them…I wanted to learn…To write…To read…To be amongst those boys and be Educated…I wanted to be Doctor or Engineer…I wanted Respect…From this society…For me and for everyone in our family…I wanted to feel the pride in Mother’s eyes when she walked through the village and others talked about her having such GOOD SON…I wanted all of this…

But all You gave me was Refusal…While I wanted books in my hands…You gave me away to that Hotel Owner who lived down the lane…So that he made me slog…Slog like dogs…To be bitten at his hands…To be starved…To be hit and not be able to utter a word of protest…I wanted to scream…when he had burn my hands with Hot charcoal…for not doing job fast…But i could not Scream…Because if even i let out shrill sound..I would not get food for 3-4 days…

So I ran away Father…Because I could no longer take in torture to pay for your luxuries…Your whole and sole reason of being alive…ALCOHOL…I know you must have beat Mother blue and black,thinking that She let me go…But trust me Father…It was not her…You were only reason for my running away and never coming back….Today,I have come away so far…That although I want to return,I can’t Father….

Hmmm…After I ran away,I was wondering on the streets…That was when UNCLE found me…He took me home…Only this home was different…It was full of guys who were preparing…For what seemed like some battle…Guns and ammunition all around…I didn’t understand anything Father…But then Uncle fed me food…For the 1st time in my life…I had food that tasted GOOD…Then he asked me if I wanted to learn…And I said Yes instantly…Only then I didn’t know that this Education will cost me my LIFE!!!!

Years passed by and I studied at best places in world…Uncle made sure that I got best education…Taught me about JIHAD…Only then I didn’t understand Father,that I was just being grown up as Guinea Pig…I did not understand that JIHAD,Uncle taught me was all wrong…I played game to most of their plans…Helped them blew off innocent people…took so many lives…that today I’m ashamed of my Existence….

Dear Father,This is my last letter to you…Because today,I’m in jail…being tried for all that I did,unknowingly….Father,that’s why I’m writing this letter to you…Please Father….don’t push My little Brother and My two little sisters into this dungeon…So that they would not Run away from Home….and become WHAT I HAVE BECOME!!!!

It was not my fault….I wanted only education…For that sure enough I’ll pay hefty prize…With my life….But I want my mistakes to be a lesson for all youngsters who don’t know exact meaning of Jihad…Please Father,Don’t hate me for what I’m today….Because I never intended to be this…I only wanted to be learned…NOT THIS!!!!

Remembering You all in my last moments,

Your Son,
TERRORIST

©Krishnaveni Balasubramanian

The sky was filled with mist.It had rained all night and the clouds had descended on the land.She sat on garden bench,looking towards the depths of water in lake facing the garden.The stone tiles of garden were all wet because of last night’s rains…So were her Eyes….But with Tears!!!!!

She glanced up and heaved a sigh…not one of Relief…But of Pain and clenched the pendant in her Hands more tightly.She wanted to stop…To stop crying…To Forget and Forgive…To allow the wounds to Heal…But memories kept lashing back like bad thunderstorms…She felt trapped…With no way to Escape!!!

“Why me…did I not love you enough…May be I was wrong…I did mistakes,all right…But does that mean You had to THIS???….WHY??…I have everything I want…But still I feel alone…Because You are not Here anymore”.She looked down again in the lake…But saw not her face..But His Image instead…His smiling Face..Holding hands…Only it was not her…But that of his WIFE!!!

She walked up to the bench again and sat down with heavy heart.She glanced up again and wanted to curse…Only she didn’t know whom to curse for all the pain that She was feeling…Finally she made up her mind…”God, Are You really there??? Do you Exist??? Or You just A word..If You are really anywhere in any part of the world…Come down here from Your Heaven…And answers my questions…If you have the guts for that???”

Again unable to control she laid her face between her hands and cried…Like crying was only answer available right now…Suddenly She heard footsteps…Soft little steps…Then she felt warm little hand on her shoulder…When she found the courage to glance up again…All that her tear filled eyes could see was a Little girl standing in front of her…With a Blue Umbrella,smiling at her.

“why are you crying???…Someone scolded you for eating chocolates or Ur Mom did not allow you to play in the rains???”….She didn’t know how to reply to little girl’s innocent query…She again looked down and replied “Nothing dear,Im not crying for all that…You would not understand…You are too small to understand My Pain!!!”

“Hmm…May be You are right…Even Mom says that I’m too small to understand things…Hey,how is my Umbrella…Blue is my favorite colour…Do You like Blue ah???”….Krisha gave a silent nod,unable to say anything more….”You know it was raining heavily last night…My umbrella got all wet…I forget to dry it…Then in morning Mom told me to rush down to grocery store…But my umbrella is still so WET”….Krisha didn’t understand why the little girl was so worried about wet umbrella…When her whole world was crashing down so badly!!!

“Why are you so bothered about umbrella being wet” asked Krisha….Girl replied ” Because if The water stays back in umbrella…It stinks…I hate that STINK”….Krisha only wondered as to why she was talking to this girl right now…At least not now…When all that she should be doing was CRYING…

That was when she felt little girl’s hand on her own hand ” Krisha,Your life is like the Umbrella…You made the wrong choice…chose wrong person…Like the umbrella takes on rain on itself….You took on the pains on yourself….But the most important thing is to dry umbrella…Let go of these memories”….while the girl said so,Krisha felt small thug on the pendant she held in her hands….” If u keep these memories locked inside…Then like umbrella…Your life will also STINK”…

Krisha suddenly saw up and for the first time saw the little girl…She had not observed but the little girl was really cute..with the best smile in the world….Krisha found herself smiling a bit…

She stood up and walked to the lake.Then she bent down and looked down…This time she could see her Face…She looked at pendant in her hand and then threw it into the lake…Suddenly She felt as if someone had taken a huge burden off her head…She felt light…At HEART!!!!

It was then that it suddenly dawned on her…” Hey but how did u know my name was Krisha…I never told you my name???””….She turned back to look at the girl…But the girl was not there…Only the morning mist flew past…Beyond that what Krisha saw was lying there on the garden bench…THE BLUE UMBRELLA!!!!

©Krishnaveni Balasubramanian

F.R.I.E.N.D.S

I wanted to hide my Heart,

All pain locked inside Tight,

I wanted to b forevr in Dark,

But u bought me to Light!!!!

You walked In,

When Everyone walked Out,

Through Thick n Thin,

Like a Shadow u stood Stout!!!!

Everyone just saw my Smiles,

But You heard my distant Cry,

We may b away by Miles,

But You l always be my life s High!!!

When You are Near,

There is no Fear,

Even If we are Apart,

You are a part of My Heart!!!!

Too many questions,

In My Mind,

If a True Friend like You,

I’l ever find????

©Krishnaveni Balasubramanian

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